It
looks like I’m already at the final month mark of being in Guatemala. So much
has happened since the last time I posted, so let me get you up to speed.
I’ve
been spending most of my time at the Sponsorship ministry site. About mid-way
through the semester, the Crown team and I left for a nearby town to work with
a Christian and Missionary Alliance Church in San Lucas. During those two
weeks, we painted classrooms of two elementary schools. One of the schools is
about an hour and a half drive to a remote town called Zapote. We rode in the
bed of a truck on highways that switched to dirt roads with plenty of potholes,
and crossed through 4 small rivers to get to the school. I will never complain
about the speed bumps in Magdalena again. The kids were quite exciting to have
us painting there, and did their fair share of distracting us at times, which
was welcome during the hard work. By the end of each day, we were all covered
in blue and white paint, wearing pretty much the same one or two outfits for
both weeks. Vanity was non-existent. I really appreciated the change of pace
from where we had been staying in Magdalena, as well as the opportunity it
allowed for our team to bond with each other.
The
last few weeks I have been back at my ministry site, in the office and out in
the community. The school year has ended, so there were a couple graduations we
attended. We made colorful cakes for one of the kindergarten graduations, and
they loved it. We also went on two field trips to the zoo with two different kindergarten
classes. We made animal headbands, and each were paired up with a little buddy
for the day. Only one kid got sick on the bus ride, so that was a victory!
This
last week in particular was a struggle for me. Feelings of inadequacy and
failure creep their way in, and it takes God to show me that these thoughts are
not from Him. I cannot say that I know exactly how God has been working in my
heart, or even using me to minister to the people around me, but I think I will
better understand my experience in Guatemala once I’ve had some time to process
through it when I get back. Which is in a month. As long as this trip has felt
at times, it has also gone very fast; a familiar dichotomy. One thing that I do
know I have been learning about, is that for a long time now, not just in Guatemala,
I have been very hesitant to love people. Whether friends, family, co-workers,
or acquaintances, I’ve been fearful to love, at least to the extent that I
believe God is desiring for me to love. Too often I weigh if this person is
going to love me back, or if that person is going to stick around in my life
long enough for it to be worth it for me to really give myself to her or him in
love. But I’m realizing that God does not want us to love so selectively; to
love only those who deserve it, because in truth, we all don’t deserve love.
Love is not something to be deserved. It is the sacrificing of oneself for
another. This opens myself up to be hurt, but isn’t that truly love? That’s
what Jesus continues to do, every day.